I’m not the tree-hugging hippy type, but an article in todays Guardian made me think about one of the things about life today that really does bother me.

Patio Heaters.

Bit of an odd thing to get worked up about? I think not. Just think about it: many of our daily neccesities are expensive because of the cost of energy. Energy is expensive, and two of the reasons why are:

1. It’s limited in supply.
2. It’s taxed to discourage excessive usage.

If you have building work done, the building regulations dictate a minimun insulation standard, to prevent wastage. We’re told to conserve energy, and given dire warnings about global warming. You have to remember all of these activities waste some energy and pollute as a by-product of their main purpose. Yes, even footballer tossers doing 100mph or more in their single-figure mpg 4x4s.

Then some fucking genius invented the patio heater.

A device that has no purpose but to heat the outside world, producing pollutants as it does so. Because people can’t be arsed to put a coat on, or go inside.

What a absolutely fuckwitted concept.

And just to make it worse, some bunch of retards now call them “Alfresco Appliances”. You couldn’t make it up. Whichever arsehole marketing team dreamt that one up should be placed under their Alfresco Appliances, below a non-approved gazebo

N.B. Never use a gazebo with a patio heater if it has not been specifically designed for that purpose.

covered in petrol, and lit. Then rolled in salt. They even have the temerity to include a page called Alfresco Appliances and the Environment.

The following are some simple guidelines to help you to enjoy an alfresco lifestyle whilst, at the same time, taking care of the wider environment

Kill them. Kill them all. Ooops. I’m sounding a bit ranty. I’m not keen on ‘marketing’.